What would you do?

Sometimes it’s just one of these days when you get up and everything goes wrong. No matter what you’re doing. You can’t crawl back to your bed or hide from people. You have to face the world around you.

Well, today’s the day for me. It’s raining heavily outside, I’ve packed everything in waterproof bags and was ready to go onto the streets with my favorite pink umbrella. (I really like colorful umbrellas, the world is grey enough when it’s raining and they give everyone a nice ‘happy’ touch! It’s sweet when they’re transparent so you’re able to see the raindrops, too. We talked about that already, didn’t we? 🙂 ) Today was gonna be a long day (it still is) and I was mentally prepared for it. My friend asked me if we wanted to meet for a coffee and who could say no to it?

We were in the middle of our chat and I saw her moving the chair so that a man in a wheelchair could pass easily to his table. Another man came behind him and I honestly haven’t noticed them because I wasn’t facing them. Suddenly, the man in the wheelchair turned to my friend and asked her if she new the singer from the cover of the newspaper he was holding in front of her face. I didn’t think anything (good nor bad), because I heard from the color of his voice that he was an older man. We all know that old people like to talk a lot, mostly because they’re feeling lonely or just have enough spare time. The other man was still sitting and I couldn’t see him well but then he turned around I saw he is completely drunk. As the first man continued to talk I noticed he was also drunk but you couldn’t notice it right away. They were asking lot of questions and I really don’t like to talk with people I feel uncomfortable with. It doesn’t matter if they’re young or old, or anything else.
It was getting more and more uncomfortable, I still haven’t said anything at all, and I stared to look around myself. Around us, there were only men, between 35 and 50 years old, some of them even put away their headphones so that they could here this awkward conversation. I formed the word “HELP” with my lips, without saying it while looking at the man sitting behind my friend. He looked at me and his eyes left mine. I did the same with the man sitting across our table. He also did nothing. I stood up, took our cups, went to the bar and asked the stuff politely if they could help us. The men haven’t ordered anything in the time while sitting there and really smelled bad. They were just looking at me like I was a fool so I took my things and said to my friend that our bus is leaving. The man in the wheelchair suddenly pulled out a bottle of some alcohol and started drinking and that’s when the waitress came and asked him to stop because alcohol isn’t allowed at that cafe. When they saw that we were leaving they said that we should wait and that they’ll go with us and that’s the moment we really run away.

Outside we looked at each other and didn’t have to ask each other how we were feeling because we read it from our faces. I can’t tell you why, but we felt exhausted, like we were working or running for miles. We didn’t do neither of it of course. In the street across our first cafe, was a nice small restaurant and we decided to drink our coffee there, hopefully in peace. We were trying to distract our thoughts from the event which took place few minutes ago, but our conversation led to it soon. I just can’t believe no one even tried to help us. Let’s be honest. I don’t expect anything from anyone but I was feeling visibly uncomfortable and was reaching out for help. It would be nice if someone said: ‘Hey, the girls were chatting, maybe they wanna be alone. What do you think?’, or anything else someone could think of. I know I’d do that. I know I’d wanna help someone. My job, one day, is going to be to rescue people and maybe it’s why I think like that. What would you do if you were me? Did I do anything wrong?

I’m not a dramatic person, nothing didn’t happen. No one was hurt in any kind of way (you never know these days). But it really made my think about it a lot. Is it so hard to stand up for someone you don’t know? What do you have to loose? How would you feel if it were you sitting there? Why are people so selfish and afraid
I’m not an introvert but, like I said, I don’t want to talk with anyone unknown or ‘weird’ to me. If being free means that we can choose who’re we talking or spending time with, I have to add I didn’t feel free or safe at all. No, I’m not gonna stop coming to that cafe with my friend but the next time I’ll be smarter. It was also my fault I didn’t say anything loudly but I can’t explain why I hadn’t done it. My mouth was sealed and word weren’t coming out of it. That’s the feeling that scared my to be honest. Maybe I’ll just need to sleep over it and it will be better.

The one thing I know is that I don’t want to feel helpless like that ever in my life. If no one pushes me, I’ll push myself.

At the end of the day I saw a rainbow… Maybe it was a sign 🙂

Yours,

Smol n Big

Easy like Sunday morning

I totally forgot about this song till a friend reminded me with her caption on her Instagram photo. What do you think when you read this song title?
Every single one of us has a different image of what their perfect Sunday morning should look like.

I, when I was child, didn’t like Sundays at all. I can’t say I hated them, hate is such a bad and strong word, which shouldn’t be used when not necessary… Saturdays are so loud, people walking by, minding their own business, meeting, drinking coffee together (we come from a land where drinking coffee on Saturday is like a must do), hanging out, going on day trips, etc. Then comes Sunday. A quite day, you hear birds outside or rain on your window, depending on the weather. I didn’t appreciate it, but I think most of children don’t. After that in high school, it was a day when you had to study or do some assignments so it wasn’t fun. Specifically if you’re a teenager who leaves everything till the very last minute and have to study at 10 pm and get up at 6 am the next morning.

Now, it’s different. I don’t like to sleep in long like Big. At first I couldn’t understand it, I wanted to use the whole day or take a nap after lunch (if I was very tired). But I take the time for myself, start the day with a longer bath, drink my tea in peace while reading books or get ready to go to the church.
Sometimes I like to stay in the bed and listen to my music, mostly throwback hits. And yes, I do like the easy mornings, even tough I don’t want to break up with anyone, especially not with Big or get high afterwards (it’s also illegal here 🙂 ) – read the lyrics if you’re not familiar with the text.

It doesn’t matter if you’re religious or not, everyone of us deserves a day off (we wrote about it a few posts ago). Why did I mention religion? To be clear, I don’t want to offend someone, it’s a personal choice if you believe in something/someone. But I just wanted to say it’s interesting (no matter what or who you believe in) every religion has a day off for its believers. Of course in their Holy Books it says you should reflect on God or your personal beliefs but it also says you shouldn’t work (no hard working) and should rest for a day. People wrote that Books ( if it’s holy for someone it should be written with a capital letter) a few hundreds and thousand years ago so that should mean something. Life was much different back in the days but it was simpler and I’m sure we can learn a lot from them (if we didn’t by now…). Take an easy day, maybe it means praying for someone, for others it’s climbing hills and so on, but do good for you. Appreciate yourself, take care of your health, not just physical, say no to thing that don’t make you happy. Stand out for your beliefs. Don’t be afraid to live. Be afraid not to live and rest.
Maybe you’ll be sorry one day.

Take it easy sometimes,

Smol & Big, sending a lot of positive vibes today

Train Stations and Travelling

It 4 am. It’s still pretty dark outside and I don’t wanna leave my warm, cosy bed but the train won’t wait for me. I’m actually visiting my parents, who I haven’t seen in a while and I’m going back to the place I’ve lived before. A few days ago, while I was starting to pack my things, thoughts crossed through my mind. Even tough I spent two years there, I don’t have a strong connection to that place. Of course, there’s my family and everything, but I’m saying if it weren’t for them the place wouldn’t see me again soon.

The place itself is nice, a small town (more a village, if you come from a big ciy) up in the hills, with a big lake and lots od woods that surround it. You can swimm in the lake in the summer or go skiing near it at winter. But a nice place isn’t enough to feel connected to it. I travelled to the University every day 2 hours for two years. Maybe I didn’t like it because my “main” life was down there in the city and everyday travelling was kinda exhausting.

But, back to the train station. It’s a holiday in Germany which usually means that there’s not a lot of people at 5am. I was wrong. It looked like it was 5pm on a Friday. Sometimes I just like to drink my coffee at the train station and to look at people. Not like a freak but it’s a place where you can’t feel alone, no matter how lonely you feel at a moment. It’s interessting to see that time is a beginning for many people but also an end of the day for the rest. Yes, there are a few people who don’t have that beginning and end and they just continue like nothing happend through the night. Younger people were obviously going home from a party, one can tell from the mascara that wasn’t on it’s place and the sleepy eyes which are almost closing. Families saying “goodbye” and tears fighting with the rest of the body because they won’t to fall. Some of them loose the “war” and become fallen soldiers. Couples falling into each others arms and different kind of tears, dropps competing to meet at the chin and jump into a new world.

These are the lucky ones. It doesn’t matter if it’s a sad or a happy occasion, they have people standing behind them. They’ll get back and someone will wait for them. But there’s a lot of people getting out of the traing who just look lost (no, not like, when is my next train going or what time it is), longing for someone to wait for them. Wanting to be waved at and ready to run into a hug.

My problem is that I can’t see people crying, especially at the station. Sometimes I wanted to do the same thing so I know how they feel but I stopped myself before I even started. Recently a girl next to me cried her eyes out, people with judging looks walked by, some of them even laughed. I just took a tissue out of my bag and handed it to her, without saying a word. She was surprised, took it and sat there and after a short period she stopped crying. After she got up, she hugged and said thank you. I waved at her, while she was going away. That’s what I’m talking about. Lost. In thoughts our on trips..it’s similar.

And my favorite kind of peole – the ones with coffee to go in their hands. They always look so ready, ready to fight the world or to climb on a hill right away. Sometimes I’m jealous, not in a bad way, but just wanting to get my stuff together like they seem to manage.

I don’t know if I like train stations because I had to spend much time there or because I got used to them and they’re like a part of me. But no one can’t deny that they’re magical in their own way.