It’s raining (man… hallelujah?)*

It’s May. You wouldn’t say so if you’d look outside my window. Last year, on this exact same day it was waaay too hot but I liked that. You get up, put on a T-Shirt, jeans, sneakers and you’re ready to go. Now, I get up (too late, of course), say sorry to our warm and cozy bed and the mission begins. How many layers do I have to wear, which umbrella won’t break because it’s pretty windy, which sneakers are waterproof, …?

*I just wanted to say you shouldn’t wonder if you see lyrics in the title. I’m an annoying person who always has a song stuck in her head and people around me know which one it is. No need for explaining how they know it 🙂 I hope you don’t mind. Big got used to it (or kinda had to ), you don’t have to but it would be nice if you’d opened our post!

Do you like rain? What do you do when it’s raining?

Big really enjoys to be at home, watch movies and chill, I just want to sleep and that’s not good because it’s time to start studying for my finals. As I mentioned, German isn’t my mother language and it takes longer for me to learn something. Today I was sitting in the library looking through the window and I can’t tell you what was happening outside but I can tell you which raindrop won the competition! Remember when you were a child and you were travelling somewhere far away, in time where nobody even had a phone (we’re not gonna mention smartphones) and you had to make up games to make the time go by faster? Well, today I was a (very unproductive) child.

I can’t decide which one to support. Germany, 2019

How do you even pick a favorite raindrop? It’s not fair to the other one. No one is cheering for it. When we compare the raindrops with life in general, it’s pretty similar. Someone could be trying hard to make it’s life better but there’s always another person, who doesn’t have to be better than the first one, but has the support you’re missing. When your raindrop moves for a millimeter you’re happy, supportive and believe in it. Then, it’s quiet for a short period. It’s just standing there. And it’s the same with me when there’s no sun. I have the feeling that everybody is doing something, except me. The world is going and I’m standing still. And I don’t like that feeling.
Suddenly the drop moves very fast again and there’s hope. Hope that it’ll get to the end first. And sometimes I’m excited, for no specific reason , I’m just excited for a new day, irrelevant if the day was good or bad. Then the day comes and nothing happens in particular. I’m not feeling sad, happy, disappointed, nothing. And it’s the same with the end of the raindrop race. It doesn’t happen anything. A new drop appears at the top of the window, your new hope, your new day.

I do believe in new beginnings every day. Not the typically ‘new year, new chapter/book’ thing. But I couldn’t live without hope and it doesn’t have to do anything with faith or religion. It’s good to show every single of your feelings. Holding it back doesn’t do any good for you. Feeling empty hurts you and it’s hard to go back to ‘normal’ after it.
Hope, on the other hand, gives you something, yes sometimes even disappointment but it’s better than not to feel anything. Be like a raindrop once in a while, just don’t forget to cheer for yourself when you don’t have anyone to do it for you. Be your own hero, be happy when you ‘win’, motivate yourself to start from the beginning again. Think about goals you want to achieve and start doing something for yourself. If you don’t do it alone, no one else will.

These rainy day encourage me to be reminisce about myself, my week and goals. I’m taking small steps, so even if something bad happens I can get back on my feet quickly and improve myself.

Enough of daydreaming for today, I better start working on my goals, don’t wanna preach something I’m not living.

Have a good day,

Smol & Big

Train Stations and Travelling

It 4 am. It’s still pretty dark outside and I don’t wanna leave my warm, cosy bed but the train won’t wait for me. I’m actually visiting my parents, who I haven’t seen in a while and I’m going back to the place I’ve lived before. A few days ago, while I was starting to pack my things, thoughts crossed through my mind. Even tough I spent two years there, I don’t have a strong connection to that place. Of course, there’s my family and everything, but I’m saying if it weren’t for them the place wouldn’t see me again soon.

The place itself is nice, a small town (more a village, if you come from a big ciy) up in the hills, with a big lake and lots od woods that surround it. You can swimm in the lake in the summer or go skiing near it at winter. But a nice place isn’t enough to feel connected to it. I travelled to the University every day 2 hours for two years. Maybe I didn’t like it because my “main” life was down there in the city and everyday travelling was kinda exhausting.

But, back to the train station. It’s a holiday in Germany which usually means that there’s not a lot of people at 5am. I was wrong. It looked like it was 5pm on a Friday. Sometimes I just like to drink my coffee at the train station and to look at people. Not like a freak but it’s a place where you can’t feel alone, no matter how lonely you feel at a moment. It’s interessting to see that time is a beginning for many people but also an end of the day for the rest. Yes, there are a few people who don’t have that beginning and end and they just continue like nothing happend through the night. Younger people were obviously going home from a party, one can tell from the mascara that wasn’t on it’s place and the sleepy eyes which are almost closing. Families saying “goodbye” and tears fighting with the rest of the body because they won’t to fall. Some of them loose the “war” and become fallen soldiers. Couples falling into each others arms and different kind of tears, dropps competing to meet at the chin and jump into a new world.

These are the lucky ones. It doesn’t matter if it’s a sad or a happy occasion, they have people standing behind them. They’ll get back and someone will wait for them. But there’s a lot of people getting out of the traing who just look lost (no, not like, when is my next train going or what time it is), longing for someone to wait for them. Wanting to be waved at and ready to run into a hug.

My problem is that I can’t see people crying, especially at the station. Sometimes I wanted to do the same thing so I know how they feel but I stopped myself before I even started. Recently a girl next to me cried her eyes out, people with judging looks walked by, some of them even laughed. I just took a tissue out of my bag and handed it to her, without saying a word. She was surprised, took it and sat there and after a short period she stopped crying. After she got up, she hugged and said thank you. I waved at her, while she was going away. That’s what I’m talking about. Lost. In thoughts our on trips..it’s similar.

And my favorite kind of peole – the ones with coffee to go in their hands. They always look so ready, ready to fight the world or to climb on a hill right away. Sometimes I’m jealous, not in a bad way, but just wanting to get my stuff together like they seem to manage.

I don’t know if I like train stations because I had to spend much time there or because I got used to them and they’re like a part of me. But no one can’t deny that they’re magical in their own way.

Reunion

Soooo, we’re finally back. I actually sat down and wrote a lot of stuff on Monday, but after I read it, I wasn’t quite satisfied so I deleted it. I’m still new at this, don’t be harsh me.

I’m going to write a few parts and keep it simple. It’s about friendship. We’ve all been in a high school and thought the friendships are going to last forever. We were all wrong. Yes, I do have five friends from school but now we’re miles apart. We visit each other as much as possible but distances are a mean thing. I moved to Germany after high school, got to the University and didn’t even know where the building was, in which I had lessons that day. My father was so kind and went with me so I don’t feel even worse than I did that day. Again THE first day. I’m sure everyone knows what I’m talking about. Everyone had their first something, first day of school/university, work, in a new city… But I was already tired. I had quiet a few first days and hated it not to know anyone. You must think, why would she even do it if she hated it so much? I just wanted a better future for myself than I could imagine in my motherland. So I told myself, the beginning is hard but it’s gonna be worth it. It was. I mean I’m still studying hard but I’m not alone. I have my friends. They’re the one ‘to ride or die’ for and the best thing that nothing changed even tough I moved (yes, again).

My friends visited me for the weekend and I could feel my inner battery charging by just chatting and laughing with them. They uncomplicated, they behave like family, they’re not judgy, they’re just everything what any of us needs nowadays.

I’m still very young but I know what good and what isn’t for me. The last few months thought me to remove toxic people from my life. Nobody needs ‘friends’ who talks about you behind their back or stabs a knife right into your heart. The fewer people you have around you, the safer you are. I can’t tell if it’s the problem of the modern world, but I don’t care. I live now and that’s what’s important.

Leave your phone. Shut down your computer. Turn off your Internet. Just live for a few moments, day, weekends and take all the time you need. Sometimes we’re not aware how much time we need to recover. And when you stop being available all the time, you’ll see who actually cherishes your time away from the phone. There are plenty stuff you should see and do outside and if you’re not the ‘nature’ type – no problem – just lay down and enjoy your piece of quiet or your new favorite album.

We have a lot to tell about the topic friendship and we hope you’ll come back soon and read our next article 🙂

XOXO,

Smol n Big

Spring laziness

In our latest German post we wrote about (annoying) allergies and now we’re just gonna say a few word about our spring laziness.

Spring usually awakes feelings like happiness, excitement, realizing that summer is just around the corner (and you wouldn’t believe it, but “spring feeling” is a term in the Urban Dictionary !). However, there is an opposite term that also caught up on us, called springtime lethargy. It’s symptoms are headaches, weariness, sensitivity to any changes but we don’t know it’s real cause (sometimes it’s caused by allergies, yet mostly the main problem is the hormonal change).

To be honest, we weren’t really productive this week, as we wanted to be, nevertheless we did something very important to us. We created a blog. You may think now: ‘Wow, that’s a big deal, everyone can create a blog nowadays, but yes, as we already said, we would like to capture our lives and important themes in this blog. Maybe it’s confusing that we’re posting posts in two different languages and trust me, it is also unusual for us but we just want to express ourselves and share our thoughts with people from other countries. (Pssst, for anyone coming from Eastern Europe, there is also a chance to read something in a third language, not an universal language tho 🙂 )

Today was one of these days when you really don’t want to get up and get things done and we would be lying if we said that we actually got up and done what we should’ve do. We ate leftovers from last night’s dinner and were too lazy to change the channel on our TV. The only difference from the other similar “lazy days” is we don’t feel bad about it. We aren’t searching for excuses and promising ourselves that that wouldn’t happen again. We know it’s gonna happen again. Everybody is different and everyone of us deserves a break. It doesn’t have to be a Saturday or a Sunday. It can also be a Wednesday. We’re not saying one should ran away from work and binge-watch a series on the internet or read a favorite book but it’s OK to not feel OK sometimes.

At the end of the day we were feeling better and even did our house chores that we put on hold so it was good that we took ‘a day off’. People tend to have a great, fulfilled life on the internet but everyone knows that’s not possible to maintain every day.

And hey, we also posted our first ‘real’ blog post and wrote the other one with more courage and a bigger smile on our faces. We are just glad to be a small part of something big that exists for many years now.

Thank you for reading our blog, hope to see you here soon again,

Smol n Big

Get to know us

Hi, we’re Smol n Big, a young couple living in Germany. In this blog, we’ll capture our lives in posts that we want to share with you. We’re two completely different personalities with many hobbies and we want to share our happiness with you.

The interessting thing about this blog is, that it’s gonna be written in German and English even though none of these are our mother languages. But we’ll give our best so that we can be understood.

Our main topics will be about medicine, health, cooking, make -up, gaming and much more so please stay tuned.

Thank you for visiting our blog!

Yours, Smol n Big